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Chapter 3: Chat
Chapter Summary:
The joys of communication.
Chapter Notes:
The last chapter I managed to write.
I feel like I should clarify that the formatting of this chapter's first pesterlog was not the original formatting on AO3 (that was normal boring pesterlog code), nor did it have the last line in the box. This was entirely a recent addition (2021) because I think I'm funnier than I probably am.
You growl at the screen, gritting your teeth. Of course she showed up. Of course she did.
Though nothing will ever top the mass vehicle derailment of conversations and intense recap-fueled aggravation that was the Fruity Rumpuss memos (Rainbow Partytown and Asshole Factory, respectively), any memo involving a Serket is almost guaranteed to be an excercise in frustration. The fact that half the potential participants are alternate-universe amnesiacs just makes everything weirder. God, why does you life have to be so fucked up in such ridiculous sounding ways?
You look back to the memo to try and keep up with the quick-scrolling mess of text.
(Yes, it scrolls!)
GC: OH MY GOD
GC: L1ST3N, TH1S 1S NOT SOM3 DUMB4SS LOS3R P4RTY H3R3
GA: Are You Sure
GA: I Mean Most Of Us Are All Sort Of Just Rushing About Like Headless Cluckbeasts So Far
GC: OK4Y, M4YB3 W3 4R3, BUT TH4T'S NOT TH3 PO1NT.
AG: The point 8eing?
AG: Seriously, what is this shit?
TA: good luck gettiing an an2wer
TA: not
AG: Oh, shut it.
AG: Who the hell are you guys?
AG: Also, jeez, who even USES memos?
AG: I don't think I've been on one of these since I was five!
GA: Is It Just Me
GA: Or Does She Appear To Be
GA: For Lack Of Better Phrasing
GA: Not Our Vriska
AG: W8 a second.
AG: What the fuck????????
AG: How do you even know me?
TA: youd thiink ii diidn't ju2t a2k that fiive miinute2 ago
AG: Please don't tell me you're some dum8ass FLARPers out to avenge your fallen comr8des or something.
AG: I'm so over that.
TA: do any of you chumps even 2croll up and reread the2e thing2 or do you all ju2t a2k agaiin to fiill up more 2pace on the 2creen
AA: well good, since i am too!
AG: Do I know you?
AA: sort of!
AG: That was a joke.
TA: you guy2 dont even know there2 a 2croll bar do you
GC: OK4Y, L1STEN, W3'R3 4LL OV3R TH1S STUFF
GC: 1T W4S SW33PS 4GO!
TA: 2ome programmer 2laved away over the2e feature2 and youre ju2t 2quandering them
GC: SOLLUX
GC: NOBODY C4R3S
TA: ii do
TA: ii mean
TA: the redundancy here ii2 iincrediibly 2tupiid
AG: Yeah, well, I just want some fucking answers!!!!!!!!!
AG: Is that really such a 8ig favor to ask?
TA: what diid ii JU2T 2AY
TA: 2CROLL UP DAMMIIT
AG: I 8n't t8king orders from you!
GC: SHUT UP!
GC: VR1SK4, SOLLUX 1S R1GHT.
GC: 1F YOU W4NT 4 R3C4P, YOU WOULD DO W3LL TO JUST SCROLL UP SO 1 DON'T H4V3 TO R3P34T 3V3RYTH1NG.
AG: Uuuuuuuugh.
GA: Just Do It Alright
GA: Unless You Want Me To Intervene As Well
AG: How many of you guys are there?
GA: Less Chatting More Reading
GA: Then You May Ask More Questions If You So Desire
GA: I Suppose As The Few Non Amnesiacs We Are Somewhat Obligated To Explain What Is Going On Here Arent We
carcinoGeneticist [CG] began responding to the memo
CG: WELL THIS ISN'T UTTERLY IDIOTIC
GA: Hello To You Too Karkat
GA: Am I To Interpret Your Comment Here As Sarcastic Or Do You Genuinely Assume This To Be Semi-Intelligent Discourse
CG: WHAT DO YOU THINK?
GA: I Dont Know
GA: Perhaps The Latter
CG: YOU'RE JOKING, RIGHT?
GA: I Dont Quite Understand What You Mean
CG: HOLY SHIT
CG: HOW DO YOU EVEN DO THAT?
GA: Im Not Sure Really
GA: I Just Type
GC: N1C3 ON3 K4N4Y4
CG: WAIT, YOU WERE JUST MESSING WITH ME AFTER ALL?
GA: Of Course Not
GA: Why Would I Do Anything Like That
GA: I Can Hardly Imagine What Could Possibly Motivate Such Amusing Insincerity
CG: WHAT EVEN
CG: I HONESTLY CAN'T TELL IF YOU'RE FUCKING WITH ME OR NOT RIGHT NOW.
GA: Neither Can I
AA: haha, she got you good there!
GC: 4LR1GHT GUYS, COM3 ON
GC: VR1SK4 W1LL PROB4BLY F1N1SH R34D1NG 4NY M1NUT3 NOW 4ND CH4NC3S 4R3 SH3'LL ST1LL H4V3 MOR3 QU3ST1ONS
TA: 2ame here tbh
GC: 4ND W3 ST1LL H4V3N'T H34RD B4CK FROM SOM3 OF TH3 OTH3RS
GC: SO 4S FUN 4S 1T 1S TO S33 K4RKL3S R1L3D UP....
CG: IT'S NOT THAT FUNNY
GC: ... C4N W3 PL34S3 K33P TH3 CONFUS1NG B4NT3R TO 4 M1N1MUM?
GA: I Suppose So
CG: FINE
AG: So hey guys, I finished reading.
GA: Already?
TA: it2 been liike fiive miinute2 kn
TA: we haven't been chattiing that long really
AG: See!
AG: Anyway, as you mentioned, I've got some serious questions.
AG: Like, for my first question...
AG: Are you guys cultists?
GC: NO
TA: no
CG: NO
AA: no
CG: OH JESUS FUCK WE JUST DID HIS TYPING THING
GC: UGH Y34H 1 JUST NOT1C3D
GA: Shudders Slightly In Unfond Remembrance
AG: Wow, weirdos.
AG: You're all sure?
GC: UH, Y3S. DUH.
AG: Looooooook, ancestors and all that, I can 8uy. 8ut past lives?
AG: Sounds like a load of 8ullshit to me.
You have to say, you don't entirely blame her. Except you don't, because occasionally, you know when to shut your mouth -- unlike certain assholes you could mention. Also, you're too busy thinking about the unpleasant memories those last few lines of chat brought up. Shuddering is an understatement.
Come to think of it, you haven't actually heard from him since the game ended. It's difficult to say if that's a good thing or a bad thing, though. You lean more on the bad side.
At least when he sent death threats, you knew whether or not to panic. Now, you have nothing. Given the differences... he's probably alive somewhere, but the last thing you want to do right now is think about where. Assuming he isn't dead (from what you heard back in the dream bubbles, he never is, regardless of timeline), he's probably off in his hive polishing his own bulge with sopor slime or whatever it is stoned murderclowns do in their spare time. Fuck, you're pretty sure Terezi had some theory going, but you don't remember it right now at all, and Vriska won't quit pissing everyone off.
CG: ARE YOU JUST GOING TO SPEND THIS ENTIRE MEMO SPEWING CLUELESS AND INSULTING QUESTIONS AT US ALL, OR ARE YOU ACTUALLY GOING TO START FIGURING THINGS OUT?
CG: BECAUSE IF YOU FAIL TO TRANSITION FROM THE FORMER TO THE LATTER WITHIN THE NEXT FIVE MINUTES
CG: *SO HELP ME*
AG: You'll what?
AG: Work yourself into a frothing fit and scream death threats from your lusus's basement?
CG: BECAUSE SHARING A DECREPIT CORPSE-SCENTED CASTLE WITH A GIANT GODDAMN SPIDER IS SO MUCH BETTER.
AG: 8etter than a 8asement!
AG: W8.
AG: How do you know my lusus?
AG: W8 shit D8L8T8
GA: Date Late Tate
GA: I Do Not Understand
AG: Just
AG: I
AG: F8ck y8u, ok8y?
CG: YEAH, WELL FUCK YOU TOO.
CG: I KNOW ABOUT YOUR LUSUS, BIG DEAL.
CG: WE ALL KNOW ABOUT YOUR STUPID OLD BITCH OF A LUSUS.
CG: ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT CALLING HER A STUPID OLD BITCH ISN'T NECESSARILY IN TERRIBLE TASTE SINCE YOU'VE CALLED HER THAT YOURSELF.
AG: This is dum8.
AG: I mean, this proves nothing.
AG: Hell, anyone with decent research skills could have put the pieces together in eight seconds flat.
AG: My lusus is kinda infamous in flarping circles.
GC: R34LLY?
GC: 1S TH4T B3C4US3 1T'S YOURS, OR B3C4US3 1T 34TS TROLLS?
AG:
AG: Seriously, why the fuck would I know you?
GC: T34M SCOURG3?
AA: can we please not bring that up if we can avoid it?
AG: You dum8asses haven't even told me your n8mes, and you're asking a8bout that?
AG: Jeeeeeeeez.
GC: SO 1T 1S F4M1L14R TH3N?
AG: I dunno.
GC: YOU DON'T KNOW?
AG: I've 8een on a lot of flarping teams, okay!
AG: You can't possi8ly expect me to remem8er every single one.
GA: You Know What This Is Getting A Bit More Personal Than I Would Like
GA: And Ive Dealt With Enough Of This Feud For One Lifetime
GA: If You Find Yourselves Needing A Moderator Contact Me Directly But In The Meantime I Think I Will Be Stepping Out For Now
GA: If You Dont Mind That Is
TA: yeah whatever
TA: ii don't thiink anyone miind2
AA: i'll let you know if things go wrong, okay?
grimAuxiliatrix [GA] is now idle
CG: WELL, THERE GOES THE LAST BASTION OF SANITY IN THIS CONVERSATION.
AA: oh, no need to be so dramatic!
AA: the rest of us are still here.
AA: 0u0
AG: That looks stupid.
AA: t0u0t
AG: >::::I
grimAuxiliatrix [GA] is no longer idle
GC: B4CK SO SOON?
AG: What was she doing again?
GA: Well
GA: I Was About To Go Outside
GA: It Did Not Go As Planned Though
GA: It Seems I Have Our Explanation For Why Nepeta Did Not Respond To The Memo
GA: She Is Quip'jmsdnk;jakn
GA: ;alkjsheeeeeeeee
AA: kanaya?
GA: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
CG: KANAYA?
AG: What, did Miss Prim and Proper have an aneurysm over the sheer unfashiona8leness of her vis8tor?
GA: eeeeeeeeeee
GC: 4ND YOU KN3W 4BOUT H3R F4SH1ON TH1NG HOW 3X4CTLY?
AG: Ummmmmmmm
GC: NORM4L CH4T. NOW.
AG: Oh hell no.
GA: alkjsewwwwwwwwwwwwlkhfalwwwwwwwwwww
GC: OH H3LL Y3S.
GA: aswwwwwwwwewwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeee
GC: COM3 ON.
GC: 1T'LL PROB4BLY B3 34S13R W1TH YOU TH4N 4LL OF US TRY1NG TO 3XPL41N 4T ONC3.
AG: Ughhhhhhhh.
GC: T3N M1NUT3S.
GC: YOU 4LR34DY H4V3 SOM3 M3MOR13S, 3V3N 1F YOU WON'T 4GCNOWLEDGE TH3M.
GC: D3NY1NG TH3M 1SN'T G3TT1NG YOU 4NYWH3R3.
GC: 1N TH3 3ND, 1F 1 F41L, 4LL 1'M DO1NG 1S W4ST1NG 4 F3W M1NUT3S OF YOUR T1M3.
GC: WH4T DO YOU S4Y?
AG: Fine.
AG: Ten minutes.
arachnidsGrip [AG] has left the memo
gallowsGalibrator [GC] has left the memo
GA: Soorry eECVENRY BODY I
CG: WHAT THE FUCK KANAYA
CG: ARE YOU INTOXICATED LIKE LALONDE OR SOMETHING?
CG: IS THAT EVEN YOU TYPING?
GA: sOMEWHAT
GA: dARN iT wRONG wAY
GA: nEPETA
CG: SOMEWHAT?
GA: AJKLFEIUWU
GA: Wont Stop
GA: Pressing Th
GA: e
GA: Enter
GA: Key
GA: (And Everything El
GA: se)
TA: ehehehehehehehehehehe
AA: hey, at least we know where she is now!
GA: Shes Fasc
GA: inated By My H
GA: usktop Rig
GA: ht Now
GA:
CG: OKAY. GOT IT.
GA:
GA:
GA:
TA: jeez
TA: really?
CG: HELLO? KANAYA?
GA: Ah Much Better
GA: Ive Convinced Her To Stay Off My Keyboard For Now I Think
GA: Shes A Bit Hard To Understand With All That Growling And Feline Body Language
GA: To Be Honest I Am Not Entirely Sure If She Speaks Standard Alternian Or Not Since She Has Yet To Say A Word In My Presence And Does Not Seem To Understand The Purpose Of My Husktop Or This Memo
GA: Though I May Simply Be Mistaking Laconic Behavior And Illiteracy For Outright Lack Of Language
GA: It Does Leave Many Questions All The Same
GA: None Of Which I Can Guarantee She Will Answer
CG: WELL, YOU FOUND HER. THAT'S GOOD, RIGHT?
TA: riight 2o who2 np agaiin
CG: NEPETA?
TA: yeah whatever
TA: ii got the name, but not the troll
CG: ARSENIC CATNIP
CG: YOU KNOW...
CG: BLOOD-SPATTERED INSANE CAVETROLL, HAS THIS CREEPY HORSEFUCKER MOIRAIL
CG: HUNTS SMALL ANIMALS FOR FUN
CG: LIKES PURRBEASTS AND ROLEPLAYING AND SHIPPING
TA: you know ii wa2 almo2t iintiimiidated before you got two the biit about roleplayiing
CG: UH.
CG: YEAH.
CG: ANYWAY.
GA: I See Vriska Has Left The Memo
GA: Ill Assume It Was For A For Good Reason But Please Correct Me If Thats Wrong
TA: tz dragged her off iinto a priivate conver2atiion
GA: Right Then
GA: Also
GA: A Question
GA: Has Anyone Else Noticed That Our Backgrounds And Stories Seem To Dramatically Differ And Diverge From Our Original Histories In This New Setting
GA: And That At Least Some Of Us Seem To Have Rather Unsettling Pasts Even Taking Into Account The Nature Of Alternian Life
GA: For Example
GA: Multiple Chatlogs Expressing Rebellious Sentiment
GA: Or
GA: Stolen Possessions
GA: Or
GA: Weapons One Does Not Remember Possessing And Certainly Does Not Recognize Now
CG: DO MYSTERIOUS BLOODSTAINS ON THE FLOOR COUNT?
CG: OR ARE THOSE JUST 'THE NATURE OF ALTERNIAN LIFE'?
GA: Maybe
GA: Am I To Assume This Is A Thing You Found
GA: Likely In Your Own Hive
CG: PRETTY MUCH.
GA: Well
GA: I Cant Say Im All That Surprised
GA: My Hive Doesnt Seem Much Better
GA: Im Used To Daywalker Corpses But There Are Far More Than Usual
GA: And Not All Of Them Look Like Daywalkers
TA: whoa waiit what
GA: Some Of Them Resemble Uninfected Highbloods Upon Further Inspection
GA: With
GA: Er
GA: Holes In Them
CG: HOW BIG?
CG: JEGUS FUCK KANAYA, DID OTHER-YOU GO RAINBOWDRINKER TOO?
GA: Um
GA: Maybe
GA: The Holes Are The Right Size To Be Tooth Marks At Least
GA: Nepeta Wouldnt Touch The Bodies For Whatever Reason
GA: And Earlier She Hissed At One
TA: look ii don't know what that'2 2uppo2ed two mean but
TA: raiinbow driinker2?
TA: are you fuckiing kiidiing me.
GA: No
TA: ...
TA: great, exactly what ii needed after all thii2.
TA: what next, ance2tor2 are real two?
At this point, you turn around, tap Sollux on the shoulder, look him directly in the eyes, and say, 'Yeah. Pretty fucking much.'
Now that you think about it, it feels more than a little pointlessly stupid to be conversing with him via chat when you're standing right the fuck next to him.
Sollux stares back, unblinking for several seconds. You resist the urge to squirm and instead continue staring back with the determination of the last troll alive fighting the oncoming waves of 'seriously, why the fuck are we even doing this anyway?'
At last, Sollux groans and rubs the bridge of his nose with a sigh, knocking his tinted glasses askew. He grumbles something you can't make out, then returns his focus to the memo. The memo text continues to stream by in a waterfall of rainbow colors, a metaphor which sounds increasingly morbid the longer you think about it, and also oddly familiar in a deja-vu sort of way.
TA: (al2o ii refu2e two beliieve vk wa2 actually riight about that ance2tor bull2hiit)
TA: (2eriiou2ly wtf)
CG: THAT ANNOYS ALL OF US.
CG: DEAL WITH IT.
TA: anyway
TA: kn
TA: you 2aiid 2omethiing about
TA: 'rebelliiou2 2entiiment'?
GA: Well Not With Those Exact Alterations In The Letters
GA: But Yes Rebellious Sentiment
TA: ju2t giive me a few miinute2
GA: What Are You Doing
twinArmageddons [TA] left the memo
GA: Karkat Youre With Him Right
GA: What Is He Doing
Sollux appears to be busy fiddling with his beetlephone, churning out code on the touch interface with his psionics. The text -- it looks like code, and you really fucking hope it's not ~ATH because why would he be doing anything right now that requires ~ATH? -- writes itself across the screen in a black-and-white-and-red-and-blue blur, too quick to read.
You push aside the empty plate of grubnoodles and stand up to sneak a peek over his shoulder, but he scowls and angles the screen away from you.
CG: WRITING SOME CODE, I GUESS
CG: HE WOULDN'T LET ME SEE IT.
CG: I SUSPECT I'LL ACTUALLY HAVE TO ASK HIM WITH WORDS NEXT.
"Sollux," you hiss, "what the fuck are you making over there?!"
Sollux glances up at you just long enough to acknowledge your question.
"Private room. No thpies. Theriouthly, dude. We're not chatting about rebellious thentimentth out in the open. Or at leatht I'm not." He frowns and pauses, psionic light skittering over the screen in a flurry of corrections as if your brief exchange had been enough to cause errors in his speedtyped code.
"You just said that out loud, therefore that's exactly what we're doing, asshole." you whisper back. True, he had been a little quieter, but not enough to count as secretive.
"Let me finish the damn thing, and then we can argue -- in private, where no one elthe can or hath to hear your bullshit whining," he insists, resuming his original typing speed. "Just wait until there'th actually a place to thtuff it."
You sit down again, returning to your husktop.
"Well... fine." It takes you a second to get the words out, but you pull it off nonetheless. "Thanks."
======
Somewhere far away, though you are currently oblivious to it, something stirs in the depths. She is one of the most powerful specimens of your kind. She is skilled with weapons, carries an alliance with a being beyond description or comprehension, and practically eats puns for breakfast.
She doesn't quite remember how a trollian memo works , and hasn't used this handle in ages, but shore is excited by this shiny digital invitation.