Fandom: Golden Sun
Length: 7.9k
Chapters: 3/? (Last updated: do you really want to know?)
Tags: Star Wars Parody Script Format Crack Originally Posted On Fanfiction.Net

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Original FFN summary: The GS cast are forced to act out/parody the original Star Wars trilogy... and aren't too happy about it. Now revised twice. Lots of randomness, mild OOC-ness and a lot of banging on the fourth wall.

Inspired by The Legend of Isaac: Ocarina of the Sun by Midnight C.

So uh. This is my very first fanfic from all way back when I didn't even have my own FFN account. It was... a ride. Never to be finished, of course. But I figured I'd put it up here for posterity, since FFN doesn't technically allow script format and it's probably just a matter of time before the original gets taken down.

The formatting is real wonky because the original format had to be rearranged several times, and I chose to keep the old beginning-of-chapter notes even once I'd merged chapters together, as a divider between sections. You'll probably see me repeat that several times in the actual work.

All those old author's notes are still inside the main text, too, because I couldn't be assed to remove them. (FFN was fun like that.)


AUTHOR'S NOTE EDIT, 2021: holy fuck you guys i found a wayback machine archive of the fic that inspired this one.

I'm adding it under inspiration, partly to keep a handy link to it, partly because I feel credit should be given where credit is due. Only the first two chapters were archived (the site it was posted on... no longer exists), but this was literally how this fic started: taking the name and premise of the enigmatic then-deleted fic Ocarina of the Sun was inspired by and writing my own idea of it.

I honestly never thought I'd find this again, but I am extremely happy to be able to link it here. (And Midnight C and/or Griffinkhan, if you ever see this... uh, thank you? Your weird crack fic inspired the first thing I ever posted. I don't even know you, but thank you for accidentally kickstarting a lifetime of fandom, lol.)

Chapter 1: ACT 1



{A Star Wars Parody with the cast of Golden Sun, as imagined by some random fanfiction author.}


Firedjinn does not own Golden Sun or Star Wars, as they are respective properties of Nintendo/Camelot and Lucasfilm. They also don't own LoK, or the Meeblings games on Coolmath Games [FFN appears to have censored the original link]

In case someone here is not familiar with fanfic, they should also know that THIS IS FANFIC. It's not canon, shouldn't be treated like canon, and is not for (monetary) profit. The only gains are the honing of writing skills and the happiness from reading a nice, NON-FLAMING review. Thank you!

Firedjinn (The writer/author): Hey, um... muses? Hello?

Alex: [Warping in] Hello.

Firedjinn: Ugh, not you. How'd I even get you as a muse, anyway?

Alex: Um... [weird face] ... I'm not... actually... sure...

Firedjinn: On second thought, if you don't remember I probably don't wanna know, either. [Starts down hallway.]

Alex: Er... aren't you going to start a Golden Sun fanfiction? [Smirk] That's the Legend of Korra wing. Weyard's on the other side of the building.

Firedjinn: Oops. I guess I - wait a second, how did you know that?! You're not a mind reader! And how do you know which wing is which?!

Alex: Would you believe me if I said the Golden Sun gave me Jupiter Psynergy?

Firedjinn: Uh-huh... And the guards to the floor-plan databases were all on break at the same time.

Alex: Actually? Yes.

Firedjinn: Arg... stupid Meeblings. Can't remember WHY I got them out of that video game... I swear, if one of them does something, suddenly all the others have to-


Firedjinn: Where was I... oh, yeah! Golden Sun!

[Firedjinn peers into the room containing the main cast of Golden Sun. The protagonists, anyway. The antagonists are kept elsewhere to avoid fighting and wrecking the imaginary building, because even adamantium reinforcement can only stand up to so many summonings of the apocalypse. No thanks to Isaac and Felix for that.]

Sheba: Oh great. ANOTHER story.

Firedjinn: Shh! You're not supposed to know that yet!

Sheba: Your existence sort of eliminated the fourth wall. Hence my ability to reference it.

Firedjinn: What if I'm an OC instead?

Sheba: Nah. Then you'd be... different. Better you stay the author or whatever instead.

Firedjinn: Right. Anyway... NEW FANFIC EVERYONE!

Isaac: Uh...

Sheba: [Snickers]

Piers: What...?

Felix: ...

Garet: Whoa whoa whoa... WHAT?!

Ivan: Eep! Please don't turn me into a fairy! [Garet gives him a strange look] What?! It happened before!

Firedjinn: [Through a megaphone pulled from hammerspace] I REPEAT, I AM WRITING ANOTH-

Jenna: [Looms behind Firedjinn with a fireball in her hand] No you're not!

Mia: [Prepares an Ice Missile] Nobody's writing ANYTHING unless it's a Mudshippi-


[The girls begin fighting, scorching and freezing the room simultaneously.]

Firedjinn: Hey, stoppit! [Psynergy seals appear over both girls' heads.]

Ivan: Dang! That was our last defense!

Piers: Last defense? Since when did we have a last defense... ?

Ivan: We have lots of things you don't know about.

Piers: Like Mr. Snuffles...?

Ivan: Hey! [Glances around] Garet! You told him, didn't you!

Garet: [Laughing] How could I resist? I mean, come on! It's a TEDDY BEAR!

Firedjinn: All right, enough with the drama. In fact, forget drama! This is humor!

Isaac: Humor... ?

Firedjinn: Yes. Get used to it.

Mia: [Restraining Jenna, who looks like she wants to bash someone's head in] So...what's the story, then?

Firedjinn: A parody of Star Wars. I call it, "Sun Wars".

Sheba: How very original...

Firedjinn: Shut up.

Isaac: Oh, Sol no...

Garet: What the heck is Star Wars?

Ivan: [Reading Firedjinn's mind] Not good news for us! [Silently shares it with Sheba, who grimaces.]

Firedjinn: [Evil smile ] So, here's the casting and scripts...

[Firedjinn passes out some packets of scripts, once again using a handy little reality-bending trick known as 'hammerspace'.]

Ivan: [Stares at his script as if it might bite him]

Jenna: I'm... a princess!? [Squeals a little]

Isaac: You just gave me this role because I'm blond and move stuff with my mind, didn't you?

Firedjinn: Yup!

Garet: [pause] What's a Wookiee?

Sheba: Oh no, there is NO WAY I'm gonna talk in little bleeps all through this story!

Felix: ... [Sweatdrop] An old hermit... ?

Piers: Please don't tell me I have to sing...

Firedjinn: Well, not at the moment, but I could always add some singing if you'd -

Everyone Else: NO!

Firedjinn: Okay. Places! Places!

Sheba: Wait! Why is there only eight of us here? Aren't there more people in the cast?

Firedjinn: There are.

Nyunpa: [Randomly appearing behind Ivan] Yoda, I am!

Ivan: [Now with the living daylights scared out of him] Where did YOU come from?!

Sheba: Okaaay... and why are both us Jupiter Adepts cast as droids?

Firedjinn: I... don't actually know... [stares at the scripts] Okay, last-second switch! Mia, you are now the protocol droid C-3PO. Ivan, you are now Wicket, the Eewok.

Ivan: The what?

Firedjinn: Eewok. Y'know, those cute little Teddy-bear creatures on Endor...

[Sheba falls over trying not to laugh. Several others do the same.]

Ivan: Whyyyy?! Why does this ALWAYS HAPPEN?!

Firedjinn: Don't worry, you don't show until the last movie. Unless you want to be a Jawa.

Ivan: Um... [reads Firedjinn's mind]... on second thought, maybe Eewoks aren't so bad? At least I um... get more screen time! Heh heh... please don't hurt me...

Firedjinn: Am I really that frightening?

Ivan: Line-stealer! Um, I mean, not that anything's wrong with that! Please don't make me be a Jawa!

Firedjinn: Hmm... yes, yes, I can work with this...

[Everyone starts slowly backing out of the room]

Firedjinn: Well, then! That went better than I thought it would. [Crazy smile] On to Scene Two!

[Cast - For those who want to know EXACTLY who is who]

Luke Skywalker: Isaac [See his comment above.]

Leia Organa: Jenna [To discourage Valeshipping.]

C-3PO: Mia [To discourage Mudshipping.]

R2-D2: Sheba [D'awww...]

Han Solo: Piers [Don't Ask.]

Chewbacca: Garet [It works, okay?!]

Obi-Wan Kenobi: Felix [Having a little TOO much fun here... though I almost used Kraden instead. This may change later.]

Wicket: Ivan [As mentioned above. He almost became a Jawa, but I'm not sure what he was so scared of...]

Yoda: Nyunpa [He even TALKS like Yoda sometimes!]

Darth Vader: Saturos [And that's why I hope I never reach The Empire Strikes Back... that'll be awkward... ]

Emperor Palpatine: Alex [He IS the big string-pulling badguy, after all.]

Emperor's Guard #1: Karst [She likes the color red...]

Stormtrooper #1: Menardi [Sorry.]

Jabba the Hutt: Agatio [No comment.]

Menardi: A STORM TROOPER?! Are you KIDDING?! Firedjinn, get over here so I can -

Firedjinn: Oi, calm down!

Menardi: Gr...

Firedjinn: No, really. Calm down. I have an offer.

Menardi: And that is...?

Firedjinn: [Whispering] If I do a Clone Wars parody, you can be Ventress. I'll make Karst play a good guy... or maybe a battle droid.

Menardi: Hmm... call it a deal?

Firedjinn: R-right... deal.

Menardi: Karst is gonna be so jealous... WAIT! You ARE making a Clone Wars parody eventually, right? You didn't just make it up... did you... ? [Lights one hand on fire]

Firedjinn: Erm... yeah. I will... [muttering] darn Psynergy seals aren't working...

Menardi: Okay! [Smiles like a little kid] You can go now! [Skips out of the room]

Firedjinn: Well... that was weird.




I don't own Golden Sun* or Star Wars! If I did, why would I write this on FFN? It's called fanfiction for a reason. Anyhoo... This is fanfic, has virtually nothing to do with canon -

Jenna: What's canon?

- and I make no profit from writing it except for sharpening my skills as an 'author' and the happy "SQUEE!" moments when I find a friendly review. Unless you didn't guess already, I LOVE GETTING REVIEWS!


Umm... well, not THAT much. Anyway, it's not meant as copyright infringement, and if you want a longer rant about I have one somewhere I can post in the next scene. Just say so if you want to see it. Enjoy!

*Unless you mean a physical copy of the game. Even then, I only have the first two game cartidges.

[A long, long time ago...]

[In a galaxy far, far away...]

Mia: What's a galaxy?

Firedjinn: Shh! Just be quiet, the story's starting!

Mia: Aren't we in the story?

Firedjinn: Exactly! It's still in the prologue! Now SHH!

[Star Wars theme plays]

[It is a time of civil war. The Valean fleet, striking from a hidden base, have won the first victory against the evil Proxian Empire.]

[Music stops suddenly]

Menardi: I object to that. We're not evil... just [koff-koff] determined.

Firedjinn: Yeah, yeah, save it for the end of the scene.

Alex: I object also. I am NOT a proxian.

Firedjinn: End of the scene, as in AFTER THE OPENING CRAWL. Look, I had to change some stuff beyond 'Princess Jenna' and 'Golden Sun', to keep it from looking TOO much like the original stuff. So sorr-ee. Can we just get through the prologue without a fight?

Menardi: Ugh... whatever...

Alex: Hmm... I can wait, I suppose. Carry on.

Firedjinn: [Grumble grumble]

[Music resumes]

[During the battle, Valean spies managed to steal secret plans for the Empire's ultimate weapon, the GOLDEN SUN, an orb of alchemical energy with the power to destroy a planet. ]

Ivan: A... the... the Golden Sun?!

Firedjinn: Again, PLEASE leave it 'til AFTER the prologue. Otherwise, I may have to make another last-second casting change...

Ivan: R-right. Sorry to have b-bothered you! I'll just be going now.

[Pursued by the Proxians' sinister agents, Princess Jenna races home in her Lemurian starship, custodian of the stolen plans that will save her people and restore peace and freedom to the galaxy.]

[Music finishes]

Menardi: Can we complain now?

Firedjinn: No.



Firedjinn: Hmm... note to self: do not let Jenna choose names for stuff.

I do NOT own Golden Sun or Star Wars; if I did... I would almost GUARANTEE Ahsoka Tano making a cameo in the upcoming seven, eight, or nine. In fact, she'd probably get a minor role in it at least. This is nowhere close to canon, never will be canon unless the original creators declare it so [and I doubt that would ever happen], and isn't supposed to be, either. It's FANFICTION, what do you want?

I gain nothing [monetary] from this except that it makes good script-writing practice and makes people laugh enough that I might get some reviews. And the latter is still variable.



I also don't own Phineas and Ferb, or Sailor Moon, or Pokémon. I'm not sure how Menardi managed to steal Isabella's catchphrase, but she did. Sorry. I also don't quite know how I borrowed one of Usagi's catchphrases, but that I'm less sorry about. It made sense at the time.

[Jenna's ships passes in front of the desert planet of Vaultooine...]

Saturos: [Watching the ship] They're almost in range. Ready?

Menardi: [Busy burning shreds of paper on the floor] Hm?

Saturos: Is that your script?

Menardi: Yep. Watcha doin'?

Saturos: Good question. [Brief silence] FIRE ON THE SHIP!

Firedjinn: Hey, wait WAIT WAIT! That's not in the script! You're supposed to use the tractor beam.

Menardi: [Scooches in front of the burning scripts so the author can't see them]

Saturos: Your point?

Firedjinn: Well, if you fire now there won't be a story! R2-D2 and C-3PO will get blown up and Luke will stay just a lowly farmboy while the Proxian Empire takes control of the galaxy and rules it with endless oppression!

Menardi: Isn't that what we're trying to do?

Firedjinn: Um... that came out wrong...

Saturos: Come on you idiots, I said FIRE!

[Controls freeze up]

Menardi: What- Satty, are you okay?! What are you DOING to him?!

Firedjinn: Transform me into... a Jedi knight!

[A massive flash of light obscures everything for a moment, then Firedjinn reappears in Jedi robes, grinning madly.]

Firedjinn: [Flickery hand gesture] You will not shoot Jenna's ship... you will draw it in with your tractor beam...

Saturos: I will... not shoot Jenna's ship? What's a tractor beam?

Firedjinn: [Clears throat]

Saturos: I will not shoot Jenna's ship... I will draw it in with the tractor beam. Oi, you lot! Get a move on! Didn't you hear?! Change of plans, we're drawing it in with the tractor beam, whatever that is!

Menardi: What did you DO to him?!

Firedjinn: Nothing permanent.

Menardi: [Death glare]

[On Jenna's ship...]

Mia: This doesn't look good...

Sheba: Y'think?!

Jenna: Hold still! I'm trying to give you plans for the Alchemy Star... done!

Mia: The Alchemy what?

Jenna: Nevermind, just go!

Menardi: [From around corner] Hey, who's back there?

Jenna: Escape pod! Now!

Sheba: [Running in circles] What escape pod? Where?!

Jenna: The one on the wall? That one? [Points] Geez, you ARE a ditz sometimes.

Sheba: What did you just call me?!

Menardi: What is going on up there?

[Mia drags Sheba into the escape pod, the latter still protesting the whole 'ditz' comment.]

Menardi: [Cheerful] Saa-tty! I found the Prinnn-ceeesss!

Saturos: Stop calling me that. It's not... manly. Or evil.

Menardi: Whatever, Satty.

Jenna: [Quietly] Oh come on guys... find Isaac for me...

[She watches out one window as the pod spirals down towards Vaultooine.]

Saturos: Take to the cell block... we'll get her to talk, eventually... [ominous theme]

Jenna: "Ominous theme"? Really?

Firedjinn: Again, shut up.

Jenna: Hey, maybe you should be the one to-

Firedjinn: Scene change!

[Inside the pod...]

Mia: Will Jenna be alright...?

Sheba: You're talking about the friend who can shoot fire out of her hands... and you're worried about her?

Mia: Hmm... fair enough. If she doesn't make it out, though... [evil grin] ... then Isaac-chan will be all mine...

Sheba: Ermm...


Sheba: Owww...

Mia: We seem to have landed on Vaultooine.

Sheba: Yeah, I got that. [Stares suspiciously] You didn't have anything to do with this... did you?

Mia: Well, no. Unless you needed that funny elbow-shaped part...

Sheba: Argh... Nevermind.

[Both girls glance around, climbing out of the rubble of the escape pod.]

Mia: We should go... this way.

Sheba: No, this way! There's a town this way, with people! And I need to find Felix Kenobi, and give him the message and plans for the Alchemy Star!

Mia: The what now?

Sheba: I have a mission. Anyway, civilization is thisaway!

Mia: No it isn't... it's highly unlikely, anyway...

Sheba: Is too.

Mia: And how do you know this?

Sheba: Just trust me. I know deserts.

Mia: Riiight...

Sheba: Whatever. I'm heading this way. If you want to wander around and run out of power out here in the vast desert of a desert planet, than you are more than welcome. Your choice! [Starts running]

Mia: [Glances around] H-hey! Wait up!

[Several hours later]

Mia: Again, how do you know where you're going?

Sheba: Why ask? I already told you before the divider.

Firedjinn: A-HEM! Do the words 'fourth wall' mean anything to you?

Sheba: I mean, a few hours ago.

Mia: Well... it's not like you have a past of NOT getting lost in deserts. Felix found you wandering the Suhalla, didn't he?

Sheba: Th-that was DIFFERENT!

Mia: [Nothing]

Sheba: Mia?

Mia: [Still nothing]

Sheba: Miii-aaaaa...

[Wild JAWA uses a deactivator!]

[It's super effective!]

[MIA fainted!]

Sheba: What the...?!

[Mia is lying facedown in the sand, already incapacitated by the Jawas.]

Jawa: [Zaps Sheba]

Sheba: [Spark Plasma.]

Jawa: [Collapses in a heap of cloth.]

Sheba: [Poking Jawa] A mannequin... in a cape nicked from the dress-up box? Wow Firedjinn, you are getting lazy with the props. What next, fake sand? [Glance around at "desert"]

Firedjinn: [From somewhere behind the scenes] Hey! Stop poking holes in everything!

Sheba: I'm not poking a hole in it, see? [Holds up cape] No holes.

Firedjinn: Ugh... not that kind of hole...

Sheba: [Annoyingly cute smirk]

Firedjinn: Fine... Never mind... Anyway, you're supposed to be sold to the Skywalkers by those Jawas! You can't just Spark Plasma them!

Sheba: Yes I can.

Firedjinn: Aargh... Look, do you WANT to see Felix again?

Sheba: Yes!

Firedjinn: Well, Isaac [koffkoff*Luke*koffkoff] knows where Felix is. If you want Felix, you have to find Isaac.

Sheba: Why?

Firedjinn: Because that's how the story works.

Sheba: Well, this is a parody!

Firedjinn's Voice: Just get in the hold with the other droids.

Sheba: [Pouty face]

Firedjinn: Fine.

[Sheba skips gleefully into the hold and sits down, nice and quiet and demure.]

Sheba: WHAT?! I didn't do that!

Firedjinn: According the story which I am writing, you did.

Sheba: [Sticks out her tongue as the Jawas awaken and begin driving away]

[Meanwhile, on a small farm also on Tatooine...]

Kyle: Is that the Jawas? Sol knows we could use a few new droids...

Isaac: Hm? Droids? What are droids?


Firedjinn: [Behind the scenes again] Ok, who ate my ENTIRE candy stash?!


A Note To Readers: it might seem odd that each Scene has its own disclaimer. This is because the story was originally written to have each scene as its own chapter, rather than in Acts, and I decided it was funnier to leave the disclaimer sections in.

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